With apologies to WCW and AKR’s pears
Dear Sir,
I regret to inform you that your plums are missing in action. I saw you place them in the communal refrigerator this morning, and by 3 PM on this, the 29th of July, they were gone. I would assume you ate them yourself if you hadn’t run around screaming, “My plums! My plums! My only plums!” (And really, sir, is that the best way to conduct yourself in this, a place for professionals and their ilk. Scream on your own time, sir.)
Really, the regret is all mine, if you can tell from the sticky finger prints and juicy drippings on the stationary.
But the fault lies with you. Those plums, so delicious, so cold, should have never crossed my sightlines to begin with. In the future, I would recommend keeping all fresh produce at your desk.
Sincerely yours
AB
